money & relationship

Although JA and I have been together for 2 years, money is an uncomfortable topic for us. The discomfort comes from the fact that while I am 5 years younger than him, I make almost twice as much. He also has student loans that is larger than my mortgage.

JA funded himself through college, law school, and graduate program. He took some time to figure out what he wanted to do as a grown up so his career started about the same time as mine. I admire that he has no other debt but it makes me utterly uncomfortable that he his student loan debt is close to $200k.

For now, it is fine. We live at my condo and pay much less than we would rent. Our finances are separate except for the joint expense account. But I don’t think it will be fine in a couple of years. We talk about having a kid in a couple of years and it will be impossible to raise a kid at my condo so we will need to move. Since rental market in Chicago is crazy and I want a real estate portfolio anyway, my preference would be to purchase. I think it may be easier for me to get approved for a home by myself than having him as the joint owner. We will also have childcare expenses. And that’s only the short term. I fear it will only get worse as we add kids and we get older.

I love him and I sympathize with his situation. At the same time, it isn’t really fair for me to be so impacted by his finances. I don’t come from money and I have worked hard and have made shrewd financial decisions to get me where I am today. And this stresses me out more so than anyone could imagine. I have always been the person who ends up shouldering other people’s burden and cleaning up the mess and I am trying as hard as I can to let him handle it on his own time.

Are you in a relationship with a large financial gap? If so, how are you managing it?

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